Watching movies with your mom can be a real treat. You get to explain the plot to her a thousand times and you get to experience the eternity it takes for her to consume a small popcorn with no butter, but sprinkled with her own flavoring that she smuggled in her purse. But choose the movie wisely, or else the sound of her popping the tab on a canned soda won’t be your only source of humiliation. Here’s a list of titles to avoid unless you were a huge fan of that birds-and-bees talk from sixth grade.
BASIC INSTINCT (1992)
This classic thriller stars Michael Douglas as a detective and Sharon Stone as the femme fatale he’s caught in a dangerous affair with, despite her involvement with a grisly murder investigation. These two don’t exactly keep it professional, providing more than a few scenes you’ll want to avoid, particularly the now infamous interrogation where her preference for going commando could have your mom blushing and you scrambling for the skip ahead button.
SHOWGIRLS (1995)
Set in Las Vegas in the world of all-nude reviews,Showgirls stars that girl from that Saved By The Bellshow you used to watch all the time, which is how your mom might reference the association you both have with this movie. Don’t let that fool either of you. Don’t press play. In fact, don’t even show her the cover art. Just let her remember Jessie Spano from the good times.
BOOGIE NIGHTS (1997)
Director Paul Thomas Anderson’s masterful epic about the adult film industry is an independent film classic. Your Film Theory 101 prof will tell you it’s a modern masterpiece from the soundtrack, to the cinematography, to the stand-out performances. Your mom will never understand why Stroker Ace decided to stop racing cars and start making dirty movies.
UNFAITHFUL (2002)
Not only does Diane Lane have some of the raciest scenes of her career in this movie, but the plot also deals heavily with the difficulties in her long marriage to Richard Gere’s character. What’s more uncomfortable in front of your mom: watching love scenes or watching her react to the slow, painful erosion of a relationship due to decades of resentment? Well, Unfaithful's got it all! Just remember, therapy is expensive. Reconsider this one.
EYES WIDE SHUT (1999)
Tom Cruise is the kind of actor studios count on for big box office results based on name recognition alone. As in your mother saying “Ooh, the cutie from Top Gun is in that? I want to see it!” But this is no popcorn movie, unless your idea of mindless fun is almost three hours of a real life husband and wife emotionally combating each other set against the backdrop of the seedy underground world of wealthy sex parties. Fideli-NO!
GONE GIRL (2014)
Based on the popularity of the novel, there’s a good chance your mom actually read it and was waiting for this movie to come out. Regardless of how you feel, she’s seeing this thing, so if it’s her Mother’s Day request, or you’re snowed in and already caught up on House of Cards, here is how you survive this. When three key scenes come on, and you’ll know immediately when they’re happening, clutch your stomach and run to the bathroom. Give yourself 4-6 minutes, sprinkle some water on your brow, and when you come back tell her you’re done with Chipotle for a while.
FIFTY SHADES OF GREY (2015)
Your mom has absolutely read the book this movie is based on. Trust us, she doesn’t want to discuss it with you, or watch the movie with you. The best case scenario here is that all parties maintain zero knowledge of the movie’s existence. Bullet dodged.
MAGIC MIKE (2012)
Whether you’re a son or a daughter, watchingMagic Mike with your mom could get uncomfortable for different reasons. As a daughter, you could be faced with the possibility of finding yourself attracted to the same male dancer as your mother. This could lead to an occasion in which you go to use the dryer after your dad, find a Tarzan loincloth, and your semester in Africa suddenly takes a dark turn. As a son, you’ll have to live with knowing exactly which type of exotic dancing/costume combination your mother prefers, which could derail your plans to enroll in the Fire Academy. Think of your future and the lives you could save.
By - looper
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